AI for the Win!!!

Who would have guessed that the greatest leap forward in the history of higher education would take place in a small town in east central Indiana?

On September 1st, 2024, undergraduate classes will begin at Purdue University-Connersville (population 13,292), the first college in the nation to operate without faculty or students.

Purdue University-Connersville will be a 100% AI campus. All lectures in all subjects will be generated and delivered by ChatGPT; all assignments and examinations will be prepared by ChatGPT and then completed by ChatGPT; finally, all of these completed assignments and examinations will be evaluated and graded by ChatGPT.

“Purdue University-Connersville represents the Holy Grail of higher education,” boasts Purdue President Mung Chiang. “Every seasoned college administrator knows that the two major impediments to running an efficient university are students, who are a major pain in the ass, and faculty, who are an even bigger pain in the ass. At PUC we will have neither.

“Without the labor costs associated with faculty, we can use our financial resources to recruit a basketball team we can be proud of, one that will be nationally ranked in Division I. And then we’re going to sit back and watch the TV money roll in. How sweet will that be?

“Of course, you may be wondering, ‘If there are no students, where will the players come from?’ Not to worry. Where is it written that you have to be a student in order to play basketball in the U. S. of A? We will NEVER discriminate against non-students at PUC.”

The Connersville Conestogas, led by LeBron James and Steph Curry, will open their 2024–25 season on November 12th with a home game against UCLA.

Swish.